Sunday Prayers for April 24

Es gibt nur einen Gott.

Easter is over; it’s time to make up for lost time with whatever you gave up for Lent. If it’s sex, take it slow. Rufus is just saying…

Whether you’re a Snuggie lover or German farmer, this week’s prayers will help guide you in your path toward righteousness.

The message: Don’t reject the things God gave you. They’re here for a reason.

Sunday Prayers for April 12

Sunrise Mass comes a little too early on Easter. Rufus thinks Jesus loves him just as much at 10 a.m. than he does at 6 a.m. Jesus suffered so Rufus doesn’t have to, right?

But, you don’t have to pray just once in a day. When you’re ready for your second helping, give these two a try on for size.

Sunday Prayers for March 22

Open wide

The first prayers of spring are usually reserved for helping to prevent hayfever, tornados, plague of locusts and a relatively familiar woman with a large belly knocking on our door. Unfortunately, the economy won’t let us pray to help us through the simple things in life.

Here are your prayers for March 22.

Sunday Prayers for Mar. 15

For the love of God

Praise be that Spring is near! Next Sunday Rufus is preparing a special feast after church: BBQ Groundhog.

If one is not vengeful to some extent, how can one not pat one’s self on the back for when he does not extract revenge? How will one ever know if one is a good person if one does not do bad things? These prayers will help you through the last day of winter.

Sunday Prayers for Mar. 8

I hope it works this time.

Rufus prays before the porcelain god on Saturday and before the one, true God on Sunday. Won’t you join him?

It’s been a rough week on the stock market, the futures market, the markets market, heck, even the crack market has to have dried up a little bit. Let’s take a moment to pray these prayers to the one who put us in this predicament in the first place.

Sunday Prayers for Mar. 1

Feelin' the burn.

Time to put your hands together for three prayers to keep in your pocket for when you’re desperate. Jesus loves desperation because he likes to show off his healing powers like a vacuum salesman who dumps spaghetti on your floor.

Sunday Prayers for Feb. 22

Word to your father

Dust off your knees, crack your knuckles and clear your mind of impure thoughts, unless you were about finished. You were? We’ll wait.

Done? It’s time for your Sunday Prayers, a little prayer pre-game before you enter Jesus’s crib.

Sunday Prayers for Feb. 15

Word up

We certainly believe in the power of prayer. We have to. That and Nebraska football have gotten us this far.

There’s something about the Catholic prayer book that I really like. I can’t put my finger on it except to say there is literally a prayer for every occasion. Rufus isn’t saying that Catholics pray harder or more than other Christian religions. I’m just saying our prayers get answered more frequently. Here are some prayers for your Sunday morning.