Ditchweed

ditchweed (n.)

1. plant life that grows well in gravel-packed dirt 2. wild marijuana that’s as likely to get you high as listening to an ABBA record will

The Colonel

He'd make a cool zombie

The rule of thumb of Midwestern cuisine: You can eat anything if you fry it and dip it in ketchup.

But you Coastal do-gooders and your health-care-paying brain, you don’t want us to have our fat, do you? You want us to have salad, yogurt, pasta, granola and vegetables and live your freaky vegetarian lifestyle. You’ve already gotten to the Colonel. It’s not Kentucky Fried Chicken anymore: It’s KFC.

Great Nebraskans: Johnny Carson

The one true king.

(Born near Norfolk, Neb., in Corning, Iowa, Oct. 23, 1925) One can debate the quality of television today. People have more choices than ever, but are they good choices or are they simply watered-down time-fillers fueled by the cult of celebrity? What’s not up for debate is the impact Johnny Carson has had on television – late night and prime time – and what passes for entertainment nowadays.

Rufus Reviews: Important Things with Demetri Martin

Society just won't let you drop out of school, damnit.

Why would we want to watch a show about important things? The more we learn, the less ignorant we become, meaning we can’t use ignorance as an excuse no more when we set things we own on fire or have to explain to our illegitimate children where babies come from.

If you watch the new show Important Things with Demetri Martin (Comedy Central, Wednesdays, 9:30 p.m.), you can exchange some of those excuses in for a pretty good time.

Pets

Hamming it up

Hopefully this won’t come as too much of a shock to you, but Rufus never had any farm animals as pets. Oh, I wanted to, just never could. Health codes aside, the opportunity just never came up.

Because I was brought up by TV to know that everything I see on TV is real, I thought it would be great to have a pig run around the house like Arnold Ziffel did in the show “Green Acres.”

Health Code

health code (n.)

Nonverbal communication, such as beating your chest or grasping your throat, meant to indicate you’re about to die

Rufus Reviews: Doubt

No doubt, they're good.

With all flap lately involving the Catholic church, a crazy priest and the Holocaust, Doubt is going to be a nice change of pace from all that negative publicity, restoring some credibility to the church through the Hollywood machine.

Hey, what’s this movie about, anyway?

Child molestation? Aw, shit.

Country Music

Country music is #1

We like country music, a lot, mostly because (1) we’re in the country, (2) we’re supposed to listen to it and (3) there’s not much else to listen to. When my Momma grew up, there were two radio stations that she could tune in on the farm: a country station and a station she wasn’t allowed to listen to. Times have changed, though. Now there are two country stations and three other stations she wouldn’t be allowed to listen to.

The music she wasn’t allowed to tune in to was what we today would call “pop music,” which as we all know is from the Devil.

Rufus Reviews: Valkyrie

Nazi or nice? Technically, Nazi

Multiple movies about WWII, the Nazi’s or the Holocaust? Hmmm. Must be Oscar season.

Valkyrie tells the story of the one good thing to come out of Germany during WWII: Claus von Stauffenburg (Tom Cruise), a colonel in the German army, and his attempts to assassinate Adolf Hitler. As a military leader of the resistance movement, von Stauffenburg infiltrated Hitler’s inner circle and made plans for a military coup to take over the government after Hitler’s death.

As we all know, or should know, that assassination attempt failed. But did the movie fail, as well?

Sunday Prayers for Feb. 22

Word to your father

Dust off your knees, crack your knuckles and clear your mind of impure thoughts, unless you were about finished. You were? We’ll wait.

Done? It’s time for your Sunday Prayers, a little prayer pre-game before you enter Jesus’s crib.